The Power of Being Selfish: Selfishness as a Key to Mental Health

Mental health requires that you work on meeting your own personal needs, in addition to meeting any other responsibilities you might have.

I’m about to tell you something that your mother might not approve of…so for those of you sensitive souls out there, you might want to click on something less controversial.

Here it is:

It’s okay (and sometimes even essential!) to be a little bit selfish.

Conventional wisdom, and our parents, often tell us that it’s not okay to be selfish.  If you want to be an effective parent, you must learn to put your kids’ needs before your own.  Likewise, to be a good spouse, you must learn to  honor your partner’s needs.  These are truths, and if you aren’t living these truths in your daily life, it is likely that your relationships have suffered.

However…

As with anything, these truths must not be taken to extremes.

I found myself thinking about this idea over the weekend as I was talking to a friend going through a particularly challenging situation.  In some cases, to be healthy, wealthy, and wise…we need to make specific efforts to honor our own needs.  If we don’t, we run the risk of completely burning ourselves out and suffering the ill effects of depression, stress, and anxiety.

What do I mean by honoring our own needs?

Some examples of this might include:

• Celebrating your own successes at work, school, and home.
• Recognizing and utilizing “me time” when needed.
• Setting and enforcing appropriate boundaries with others.
• Allowing yourself to feel pride in something you do well.
• Learning how to gracefully say “no” to others.
• Letting other people know your true opinions and feelings.
• Accepting help from others (even when you could do the same job yourself).

Technically, these things are selfish.

But they are also essential ingredients for health, success, and wisdom.

Go tell your mother it’s okay to be selfish sometimes.  She’ll be grateful.

Questions? Comments? Sound off below.

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OCD guilt, shame, disgust, anxiety & depression: Why treatment sometimes fails (and what to do about it) Specific phobias: symptoms & CBT treatment (reader question) School Refusal & Parental Stigma: Am I a Bad Parent? Therapy as Science: You + Your Therapist + Scientific Method Mindfulness & ACT-based therapy: Questioning “I hurt; therefore, I suffer.” Anger and OCD – Getting Mad… Driving Fears & Driving Avoidance in Teens & Young Drivers OCD Treatment: Back to Basics